Unknown Blog

2004-2009

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:06:00 -0700

http://reveng.sevcom.com/reveng_manifesto

This is a very good piece of writing, especially considering I wrote it in 2004.

According to the hit counter, 1000 visitors in first 6 months operation. 1127 visitors in the following 5 years.

Funny how motivations change. I remember in 04-05 that we were very motivated to do what we did simply out of spite for the fact that we had for many years been denied any opportunities to express ourselves creatively. Also, none of our peers or families had been supportive of any artistic or creative endeavours. It really felt like an US vs THE WORLD situation.

So while having media exposure was good in the sense that it renewed our motivation, it was a double edged sword, since I had no experience in playing, organising shows or releasing records, all this had to be learnt from scratch. Although, with people watching us take these baby-steps it was embarrassing and stressful. I think I took most of this stress out on the people around me. Sorry Loscha.

I really couldn't put a foot wrong in 2004 though. The live shows were horrid, but the recordings and songs were all fantastic. But I feel, in hindsight that all this great beauty was created as a result of childish/ignorant/selfish determination and at the expense of friendships and personal development. I was a slave to the project, I gave my life too it. Now, 5 years later I realise that it would be nice to have my life back again.

I had my life back for a little while, before I decided to "finish" the final two albums a month ago. I wanted the last album to have the similar intensity and depth that the 2004 material had...but to get that I have to apply myself with the same intensity. I guess that's why I am upset. I thought that maybe after all these years things would get easier. In fact it has only gotten harder because I am no longer willing to sacrifice myself for a cause and secondly I cannot delude myself that this is a cause worth fighting for.

The lure of success or fame is that it allows you to live your life in a state of perpetual childhood, free of responsibility. I guess for me, having not made a successful transition into adulthood...i found this lifestyle very appealing. 99% of artists I know would not find success appealing because they have already become adults and therefore have "real" lives and are mature enough to have a sense of self worth that is independent of thier art or social status.

For me, having no familiy, no girlfriend, no job, no qualifications, no sense of community or purpose...this meant that I had nothing to base my sense of self-worth or identity on other than my music. Hence it was the most important thing in my life because it was the ONLY positive thing i had in my life. This "positive" soon became a "negative" because when things didn't work out as I intended them to, I would blame and punish myself. Even if I had no control over the outcome or simply didn't have the resources to achieve my overly ambitious goals.

One of the most embarrasing problems is that I seem to have inherited from my parents the syndrome of impossible expectations. My mother's boyfriend would always set up impossible tasks/standards so that he would always have a "justification" to yell or punch me or smash things or some other abuse. So even though I have not lived with them for 10 years, I must have internalized this behaviour and so with my music projects I would always set up processes that were neurotically complicated and goals that were un-achievable so that I could keep repeating this cycle of failure and self-loathing.

So what I experienced was a simultaneous desire to be successful driven by a need to develop a sense of self-worth...which was mitigated/saboutaged by my sub-conscious desire to maintain my self-loathing. That's how you end up with paradox that is "James Earthenware"; the successful recording of 18 albums, but the failure to promote any of them or recoup the cost of creating them. It is simply a state of being at war with one's self for 10 years. So really what I experienced was not US vs THE WORLD...it was really ME VS MYSELF.

Anyhow, I suppose that once I realised the real enemy was myself...it makes the entire exercise seem pointless, the violence senseless and the sacrifices futile. It also stands to reason why no one wanted to get involved in what was essentially a civil-war-in-progress. I mean, I tried to present it as a "fun" artistic activity but it was obvious to everyone (except myself) that it was just a civil war.

History Speaks

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 08:36:00 -0700

"Lately I have been frequenting bad houses
Places no respectable man would be seen
I hate myself for my weakness
My past sickens me
I tell myself I will not go
Even as I drive there
I hate myself for my weakness
My past sickens me"

Bad Houses - Big Black

This is how I feel right now. I am trying to get a grasp on a brighter future...or perhaps not brighter, just different. But I find myself lapsing into old patterns of self-sabotage.

Today I spent most of my time trying to figure out what songs should be included in my 1999-2002 rarities CD. The idea is that by compiling these rarities releases that I will be able to limit the "earthenware box set" to 20 CD's.

Unlike the recent songs I have archived 07-09, where I was efficient and productive...listening back to the 01-02 period brings back unpleasant memories of things that I have conveniently forgotten. So instead of making objective choices about which track should be included as representative of a particular aesthetic motif or lyrical concept...I just sit listening to the songs on repeat and feeling like I should be crying.

This would not be so bad if this process did not raise fundamental questions...like "why are all my memories stored on compact discs?" "Why did i try and pass these "diary entries" off as songs and force people to listen to them?" and "why the hell am I looking backwards, trying to come to terms with this poorly executed material that would be better forgotten?"

I am thinking it is healthy to forget these things...these reminders of the past are making it harder for me to move on.

Also, if I think about ANYTHING too long...I never do it. I always have to trick myself into not thinking about anything before I can take action. This is a big problem because it is not easy to trick my mind into switching off so that I can function. Sleep deprivation seems to be the only thing that works, but I can only do this for so long before my body feels sick.

So yeah...instead of sorting out things I just think about them. I would really like to have them sorted out. Preferably before the end of this year, at latest before I die. I mean...NO ONE in the future is going to know why any of these recordings were significant to me or why I made them unless I have some way to organise them in a logical way and attach some documentation in the form of liner notes to explain why these things were done.

I guess that some things don't need explaining. That is a job for anthropologists, but since people are only ever paid to study "important" people I guess I have become my own anthropologist, since I know full well that nothing I ever create will be deemed significant. Especially relevant since my work is not affiliated with any significant social or cultural movement.

I obviously just want to understand why I did the things I did, so I can feel more at ease with myself. The challenge of this is that I have to accept it when I discover that there was no rational reasoning behind my actions. I guess that is where the sadness comes from...a kind of sense of pity for my former self combined with the fear that I have not grown enough since then and may still be just as misguided now as I was 8 years ago. It also arouses a frustration...that if I wasn't so misguided 8 years ago...I may have actually been able to achieve something positive with my life.

I guess a more confident person would look back at the past and say "look how far we have come" and be proud of that. Maybe I was hoping that I would feel a big sense of accomplishment in that respect. It is quite possible that I am simply too negative about everything to allow myself to feel good about anything I've done. This is a huge problem, because it's not just about my music...it extends to every aspect of my life.

Since I have no audience, these songs were only created for my benefit. Or if not benefit...out of some masochistic desire. So really, they don't need justification, so it is merely a trap; that I feel too strongly about these things...and I act on my feelings rather than my common sense. Common sense says I should leave these things alone. Other than that, I've just identified some more areas I need to work on.

On a technical note...Casio's only make an appearence on 3 of the tracks on my first album. (Very quietly and in background due to being out of tune) It's almost 100% guitar, and the keyboard sounds that were used were from Damien's Yamaha. Even songs that sound like keyboards were actually just the guitar with too many effects on it (probably trying to emulate the Big Black sound)

The Casio's didn't come to the forefront until the second album, but really began to shine on the collection of "b-sides" from the second album. (re-packaged as "The 5:55 will not surface today") They are almost 100% casio, and hence I listen to them a lot more than my other early recordings. The reason being that without the guitar there was no way to fool myself into thinking I was writing a "rock" song...hence instead of writing a terrible rock song...I actually wrote something interesting and unique. Instrumentals from this period are appealing because my early lyrics and singing was so terrible.

One major problem is trying to trace the songs I wrote for my two live shows during 01/02. Neither concert was recorded and both were complete failures...but I wished I had recorded the rehearsals since the "live" versions of tracks are more definitive than the recorded versions, simply because I attempted to add "structure" and "finalise" lyrics before I performed them.

In this regard, the "Live At The Bakery" CD is a goldmine...in 2002 I re-learnt and played "live in my bedroom" some of my earliest songs (circa 1998-99) and it stands as the only "concise" documentation of those early ideas, since the original recordings of the songs was marred by the fact that I was too concerned with trying to learn how to use the 4-track and get a certain guitar sound rather than just capture the essence of the song.

"The Antibiotics Marathon" is an extension of the idea, although playing what were "current" songs in 2002, while attempting to write my first "concept" album as the songs related to chapters in an accompanying short-story. There are between 2-4 more "live" albums from 2001 but most of the material apart from a couple of songs is garbage as it was all improvised.

Sometime in 2002 i decided that these "live & improvised" guitar-based albums should have a different nomenclature since the process for making them was so removed from my Earthenware material. Hence "Steve Layout" was invented. Steve Layout would usually record all the songs that were too embarrassing or personal for James to sing, although James donated some left-over guitar instrumentals for Steve to sing over in 2003.

The distinction seems ridiculous now but at the time James Earthenware was receiving a lot of criticism for being pretentious and too "electronic". Steve Layout's CD-R releases were usually in a run of 5. James Earthenware's "official" releases had a run of 50-100, and "unofficial" releases usually a run of 10. So while Steve Layout was the answer to those who did not like the Earthenware sound, I obviously didn't try to promote Steve Layout to fill this need in the market. Although the methodology of recording an album live was adopted by James Earthenware with the "Prototype Jive" album in 2003, this was out of necessity (computer died) rather than by choice.

The "Technology Resigns" EP (Jan 2004) was originally intended to be the final Steve Layout recording, but I forgot about this several years later and just labelled it James Earthenware since I had performed some of those songs live in 2005-06. Steve Layout and James Earthenware material did not cross paths again until a few of the improvised songs on the 2008 album "distortion clinic" were re-written for inclusion on the final two Earthenware albums. At this stage both Steve and James were using the same lyric books, but Steve's music was still composed on-the-fly in response to the lyrics, rather than James Earthenware who composes all the music first then searches for ways to fit the poetry over the top of already dense sound scapes.

The recent "live" Earthenware material was necessarily complicated in set up...because the idea was to replicate the same "density" or "intensity" of sound that was built up by layering in the studio. This density and freedom to improvise was also a key feature when Loscha and I performed as the Reverse Engineers. The concept succeeded due to the selection of the instruments with maximum harmonic-overtones and by not using any filtering or effects whatsoever. This allowed me to play very minimal parts but with each sound filling a particular frequency range.

It obviously failed however since the live rig is too big and heavy to transport without a car or other people to carry it. But that's a failing of my inability to socially network and learn to drive/afford a car.

The sound combinations used for the live rig were inadvertantly selected during the recording of the 2007 albums "Feared More Than Death" and "Repair, Install, Maintain" primarily to allow the un-effected natural sound of the Casiotones to be preserved, but it was not until late 2008 when I built my custom made "live rig" that I was able to start composing songs specifically to complement my vocal range, be repeatable and suit the restricted pallete of sounds I had selected.

At the moment approximately 30%-40% of the final album has been composed using the new "live" approach. The remainder of the album is being recorded using the usual layering approach to facilitate the drastic changes in style and genre that are the hallmark of the "classic" Earthenware albums.

Give Civilization A Chance Current mood: anxious

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 05:51:00 -0700

Mmmm. Trying to decide what uni course to apply for on an empty stomach wasn't working. Writing this blog in the hope that it re-organizes my scattered thoughts. Hopefully I can be like my friend Russell and dissappear quietly into the world of academia. I am going to ring him tonight for advice.

Feeling unmotivated for the first time in months this morning. Unmotivated from the realisation that I am not prioritising tasks correctly. Trying to ignore the feelings and impulses that normally sabotage me doing anything productive. Got a gig to mix tomorrow and supposed to be taking 5 hour bus ride to visit mum next week. I look forward to seeing my mum, but spending that long on a bus is torture simply because I can't stop thinking about other things that need doing.

This afternoon I have to finish two letters and post em, walk the dog, finish sorting out the 2001 Earthenware archival recordings (and find suitable title for the 3rd and final rarities disc). I have started work on the "re-eneactment" recording of my first melbourne show ever, I found the backing tracks I used but I can't remember how any of the songs went. My set-list notes are just technical notes for effects routings that are so complicated they may as well have been written in heiroglyphics. My written review of my show contains no details about which songs I actually played, it is just a rant with me complaining how much I hate everyone. (things didn't work as planned - I chose to find scapegoats instead of accept the reality that my ideas were shit)

The climate change album is finally taking shape, first few songs are guitar songs so hopefully the keyboard stuff will round out side B. Everything is faster, more punk, kinda like my Second album but with good lyrics. Best friends of mine will get some demos for feedback in coming weeks. All the vocals are recorded really badly because i had a cold, and the music recorded on to crap sounding MP-3 format, so when my auto-tune pedal arrives I will re-record everything properly. That will force everything to sound in tune and robotic, date the album to 2008, and while I am at it I will add in additional lyrics / refreneces to concepts from the best 20 or so of the 400 poems I have written in the past 2 years. Currently making a database of all the poems, but I had to stop because the tendonitis in my wrists/arms got too bad.

Niceness of loss album is on hold...one track remains to be completed but it's difficult to get into that headspace again...the emotional-romantic mood of the album is not where I am anymore. I am now in political-intellectual-rant mode for climate change. Maybe something will happen, I just need to get all emo for a couple of hours to get it finished...actually I was in that mood this morning but I was trying to fight against it...should have finished that song instead. I suck. FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL.

Anyhow, probably will only make 10 copies of each album. Owing to the expense and lack of response to my mailing out promotional copies of Perception Management...I can only conclude that no one involved with promoting, distributing or reviewing music takes me seriously. That's fine though, since the feeling is mutual. I mean, everyone who's listened to the album says they like it...so that just means I'll just keep giving away copies to people who like music until they are all gone. Industry scenesters aren't a part of my demographic anyway. I can't sell it as a product if no one knows if it exists, I guess I just tried it because we live in a capitalist society so I have been brainwashed since birth into believing that you can turn ANYTHING into a commodity.

I won't make the expensive mistake of pressing up nice discs again. I'll put the proper artwork on my website and people can print it themselves if interested. Any money that I would have spent on pressing fancy artwork will be donated to charites. Either Blue Wedges or the groups protesting the logging of old-growth forests. Ethical investments are more effective than preaching to the converted anyhow.

BTW, the website www.jamesearthenware.com has been upgraded/updated to reflect the fact that even I do not take this project seriously anymore.

Got some awesome earthenware behind the scenes footage as well as a couple of songs from my final live show up on the YouTube. It's totally sweet, I hope people leave some funny comments.

There's two more shows to play, but none in Melbourne...there may be some poetry event I will show up at but that won't be the full-arsenal of keyboards...hence I will do it under a different name maybe or just not tell anyone about it. Anyway if it goes ahead it will hopefully test the waters and ease my transition from musician to spoken word artist.

Anyhow, main point is to have Earthenware totally wrapped up before the end of the year so I can focus on getting some qualifications and as a result, a job that isn't in a factory or warehouse environment where people are either idiots or treat you like one. Making art used to be a good way to cope with stress, but now I think it's better to just avoid stress altogether, since my body cannot cope with it anymore, and trying to finish ambitious projects with no money or support is stressful in itself. Anyway, the only two people in history who thought that working class credentials were cool were Stalin and Andrew Bolt, neither of them have spent much time hanging out with factory workers / loggers.

My Crohns disease was playing up recently. Luckily I got it under control with minimal medication and hence side effects, slowly starting to eat more food again but trying to keep meals to a minimum. I guess that combined with reducing the medication is probably causing me to lack energy the past couple of days. Winston has also been unwell with his arthritis, couldn't take him for a walk the other day as it was so bad. He seems better now. Gave him some anti-inflammatories and stuck him in front of the heater for a good 24 hrs. Power company and the vet are gonna love me when they send out their bills.

Tonight I will recomence work on the "Battery Cover Missing" zine in the hope that it will be completed by the end of the month or at least end of the year. Yesterday I found all my technical notes and diagrams from my 2006 data archives, so I've been copying relevant files to my hard-drive. Wrote a new song about how awesome the Kashio brothers are while going through all the data/history. Might give it to Casionova to record since I am retiring.

Let's Make History, History

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 14:41:00 -0700

You can't create or destroy anything.

When you look at the pyramids
You say "oh how high"
And you don't think of how
The slaves who built them died

And you call Edmund Hillary
A legend, a hero
But what about the others before him
Who perished in the snow

History only remembers
The success and ecstacy
Not the millions forced
To live in misery
Failures outnumber winners
It's common and plain
If we documented every failure
We'd all suffer eye strain
Because we'd run out of trees
To print all the stories up ( there would never be enough)
And there'd be no time to read em
Unless you quit work for a month (It's a story we don't like telling much)

And the gold ring you wear
That you lost down the sink
Leeched mercury and arsenic
Into the waters we drink

And all the power you burn
To power drum machines
Is filling the air with Co2
Choking future human beings

CHORUS

And I always wondered why
I didn't have a future in mind
It's because when you get ahead
Someone else falls behind

And all these sacrifices we make
What do they achieve?
The law of conservation
Applies to every want and need

Do you need such grand displays
Coming at such expense
No one respects you now, so you try
To be remembered after death?

I know how you feel
There's not enough love to go around
But does the earth really need
Another fucking monument in the ground?

* Dedicated to the Bon Scotts and The Invisible Monument Erection Foundation.

Lastest developments in "Class Skirmish" techniques.

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:32:00 -0700

I am curious about employment.

It seems that if you are a primary producer of food, or work in the sale and distribution of food, manufacturing and other essential services like teaching and fire-fighting then you receive the lowest pay for doing work that is most essential to the survival of man.

Then if you have a bubbly or out-going personality, you can work in sales or hospitality or marketing. Of course these people don't get paid much either, despite being attracting all the customers to their respective businesses, but they do at least get the conveniences of living in urban areas.

Finally, you have all the executive and finance jobs that seem to be about counting money and telling people what to do. I find it hard to believe that we are in a financial crisis when there are still job vacancies on seek.com for positions earning $100,000 p.a.

Take for example this ad for "

Civil Engineering Operations Manager

EARTHENWARE LIVE IN PERTH THIS WEEKEND COMING UP Current mood:All of them Category: Music

Sun, 31 May 2009 18:03:00 -0700

Unusual Music Appreciation Event

James Earthenware

For lovers of geeky obsolete technology, vintage synthesisers, circuit bending.

Playing (if you can call it that!) Live in PERTH

This weekend...Saturday, Bar open @ Bar 232 and Sunday @ Hyde Park Hotel.

Playing with Casio / Commodore 64 pioneer Adem K from Turnstyle, Bridget Turner from Boys Boys Boys and circuit bending wonders The Gizzards.

some details at facebook here:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event.php?eid=102655349011&ref=nf

So you can get an idea of sound...here is a youtube link.

James Earthenware - Artificial Selection - Live at Old Bar - Fitzroy 13/...

Fri, 29 May 2009 07:23:00 -0700

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0HoK12q1zw

First time performing a new song from the forthcoming "Climate Change" album. Live at the Old Bar, February 2009. Casio MT-40, Korg ES-1, Yamaha CS-01, Korg Mini Kaoss Pad. Thanks to Mik for filming, mastering the audio and uploading the footage. Thanks to bands that played, Cigarettes For Ping Pong, Casionova, Ninetynine

RADIO EARTHENWARE

Wed, 13 May 2009 02:35:00 -0700

JAMES EARTHENWARE - 10th anniversary retrospective will be played on 3CR.

THIS SUNDAY 17th MAY.

Two To The Valley (3cr, 855AM, 11pm AEST (UTC+10Hrs) / 9PM AWST (UTC+8Hrs))

LIVE STREAMING: http://www.3cr.org.au/3CR_streaming

Will try to play some unreleased material, Live tracks, demos of new tracks from forthcoming 3 albums and some of the best tracks from the previous 14 or so releases.

This blog is now closed.

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 16:21:00 -0800

Thanks to the overwhelming lack of response to my requests in January last year for donations of instrumental tracks...I am certain that no-one reads this blog other than people I already talk to in real life. I will ask Steve Layout to write the music for me instead, using a toy accordian, ukelele, and my tashio koto (japanese banjo).

Hence this blog is now closed.

I have also removed most of the posts that I am considering publishing in a book circa 2010 or 2011.

Other reasons to stop using this thing are:

Pi.0 says that the internet is useless and I have no other choice but to agree with him.

We already are not publishing the Casio research on the internet because people will re-post it out of context if we do...but this blog is dying a different death from ignorance.

I rarely have anything positive to say.

If you want to hear my long convoluted observations about my pointless existence in the future, please send me an email or postal address and we can be pen-pals.

Check Out Chick Blues for CASIOFEST 09

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 09:38:00 -0800

www.myspace.com/batterycovermissing

Have a listen to this demo from my "final" album and view details for the gig and plans for the zine.